Eventually I spoke to my mum about it. Well…I never really discussed it, I simply said that I received the diagnosis. I wanted to explain what it was and how it affected me but her response halted me. It was subtle, but I noticed it. She seemed annoyed.
I asked it if she was okay. It transpired that her annoyance was purely that I hadn’t told her when I went for the assessment. I should have told her. I have children of my own so I can imagine how she might feel. Nonetheless, she then just changed the subject and asked how my job hunting was going.
That was six months ago and not once have either of them mentioned it again or asked me about it. It is like it never happened. I don’t even know if she told my dad about it later.
I don’t understand what that means. They’re not entirely sure what autism is yet have made no attempt to even find out or ask me questions. My dad’s reference would be Rain Man, yet even that hasn’t compelled him to speak to me. I am fortunate enough to have my wife to confide in, but regardless, I feel somewhat confused and perhaps hurt that they have seemingly all but forgotten about it.
If they are not showing any concern or interest in how it might have and does affect me, then there is nothing I can expect from them. They are fully aware of my long history of mental health problems, my years of therapy, my overdose and hospitalisation. Come to think of it, they said very little about that either.
I was quite focused when I started this post, but writing about it has bothered my mind and frustrated me, and I actually feel quite angry.
Apologies, my mind has jammed up. I guess I am still conflicted about this. The truth is, some people will support you and be there for you in any situation, but there are others who will tell you that they will be there, when what they really mean is that they will help you or support you if they have the time and if it is not too much of an inconvenience.
I was diagnosed a little over a year ago, and when it came to telling my family I was apprehensive. I left it a few months before telling my mum. I’m not quite sure why I felt the need to wait, but I did. I suppose I was nervous and I wondered if they might be upset that they hadn’t picked up on it when I was a child.
I wanted to reassure them it wasn’t widely known back then so they wouldn’t have necessarily been aware of what autism was…